


The Diss-topia

by Tomi Wiseass (thatqrfanficcer)



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: American Revolution, Angelica is a Mary Sue, Bad Spelling & Grammar, Crack, Deliberate Badfic, Dystopia, F/M, Love Triangles, Out of Character, POV First Person, Parody, Sorry Not Sorry, Witchcraft
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-01
Updated: 2020-07-04
Packaged: 2021-02-24 21:21:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22264657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatqrfanficcer/pseuds/Tomi%20Wiseass
Summary: In an America where King George III and his soldiers keep taxing and oppressing the colonies relentlessly, one everyday teenage girl with a hot body, a great mind, a great sense of style, amazing fighting skills, and secret magical powers is the only one who can stand up to them.  Her name... is Angelica Schuyler.But the British government is the least of her problems.  After all, revolution is easy.  Finding a man is harder.  Especially when a simple plan to snag her sister's smexy boyfriend Alexander Hamilton backfires and leaves her with too many choices....
Relationships: Alexander Hamilton/Angelica Schuyler, Alexander Hamilton/Elizabeth "Eliza" Schuyler, John Barker Church/Angelica Schuyler
Comments: 2
Kudos: 4





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look, I don't even know, okay

Hi my name is Angelica Schuyler and I have long ebony black hair that reaches my mid-back and shiny brown eyes like hessonite and a lot of people tell me I rap like Nicki Minaj _(AN: if u don’t know who she is get da hell out of here!)_. I’m not related to Lin-Manuel Miranda but I wish I was because he’s a major fucking hottie. I have dark brown skin but my teeth are straight and white. I’m also an American, and I live in a colony called New York which is tectonically apart of England but we don’t need them anymore accept King George III wants to keep taxing us so he sends all his soldiers to take our moneys and stop us from decorating independence. I’m a Patriot (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly red white and blue. For example today I was wearing a red corset with matching lace around it and a long blue skirt with a white petticoat under it, white gloves and red heals. I was wearing red lipstick, black eyeliner and blue eye shadow. I was walking outside in New York. It wasn’t snowing or raining so there was sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of British soldiers stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.

“Do you raise your middle finger at us, ma’am?” the tol one asked.

“Y is that illegal?” I yell.

“UH YAH BITCH THE FUK DO YOU THINK?” the short one scrams back.

“Well in that case no” I put my middle finger down, raisinfully.

“WHY WER U PUDDING IT UP IN THE 1ST PLACE THEN?” shorty asks.

“It was cramping and I needed to stretch it” I say, glaring and daring them to prove me otherwise.

“That dost sound legitimate,” said the tall, “Lady fingers doth be more fragile than those of the gentlemans, we knoweth not how they worketh and must not assumeth the same fortitude in their hands as we. Let her stretch, companion, it’s not as though a lady could harm us.”

“Ya let me stretch guise” This thyme I put both my middle fingers up, one 4 each soldier since he sed sum really sexiest stuff just then and I was livid but I couldn’t prove that I could fight them cause I didn’t want my dad to get in trouble so I just flip them off instead.

“IF UR SO FRAGILE GO BACK INSIDE THE HOUSE WHERE THE WOMENS BELONG.” the shore one said. “WHERE DO YOU LIVE!” he asks.

“relax I’m literally right outside my house, its only like a block away”

“Dost thou needeth assistance in walking homeword?”

“Nope I know the way plus it’s noon so it snot like ill get lost or anything”

“Well, if the lady be sure, then let us goeth and picket on some other American peasants for awhile. How dost that sound, companion?”

“I GUESS.” The other says but he’s not satisfied because then he turns back to me and said “AND TELL YOUR FATHER TO PAY HIS FUCKING TAXES”

“K” I tell him but I’m not gonna do it cause fuck that guy.

An ugly ass boy walks up to me. “That was so brave and hot Angelica.”

Oh my God I can’t believe this is happening again this is like the seventh time this week and it’s only Tuesday. “OMG STOP HITTING ON ME!” I says, “JUST BECAUE I’M HOT AND BADASS DOESN’T MEAN I NEED A MAN OK”

“ok,” he said sadly and walks away.

So then I walk inside my house witch isn’t actually a house on the bottom floor wich is the part I walk into because it’s my dad’s magic shop but magic doesn’t really exist is just a myth so he only sells trix and stuff. Anywyas he’s still working right now which means he seize me come in and greets me from the counter wear he’s standing behind “Hi Angelica!” he says excitedly. “How’s my favorite daughter?”

“Dad it’s rude to have favorites when you have more than one daughter I mean thanks but I’m not letting you diss Eliza like that” I said. “But I’m good thanks heyhowareyou”

“I’m great!” he says, tipping his top hat that he always wares, “I made a lot of sales so I’m felling hashtag blessed today.”

“Wtf is a hashtag” I ask reasonably “is this some new 1776 slang that I haven’t heard of yet”

“Oh I don’t think anyone’s herd o f it yet,” he smiles mysteriously, “So you’ve had a normal day then? Nothing weird or extraordinary happened?”

“No why are you planning something?” I asked suspiciously.

“Oh Idk just wondered.” he said and drooped the subject.

Well that was weird but Dad’s always a little bit weird since he likes to pretend to be a magician to the town to sell his stuff. But I decide to go up the stares and ignore him as usual and that’s when two reel cool surprises happen at the exact same time.

The first is that Alexander Hamilton greets me. “Hi Angelica!” he says shyly (I know it doesn’t seem like he’s being shy cause he’s loud but he’s always loud. I knew he was being extra shy with me at that moment thou because he stood back a foot apart from me with his hands in his pocket. He smiled more nervously then usual and kind of blushed a little and it was really fucking cute.)

Then Elza runs over to me and gives be a big hug. “Hi! I’m so happy your home Angie!! I made cinnamon rolls do you want some?!”

That’s the second surprise and I was happy because Eliza is my favorite person in the world even more than my dad and Alexander. However I also realized that’s why Alexander was being so shy befour. You see Alexander is my sister’s boyfriend so we can’t be affectionate with each other when she’s their cause we don’t want to break her heart she’s an actual cinnamon roll herself (well, personality-wise; physically she’s human) but me and Alexander still have feelings for each other so we gotta be careful. I feel guilty since I love him excerpt we can’t help how we feel only how we act.

But cinnamon rolls are my favorite and so is my sister so I was like “Hell yeah!” when she offered she squeals and gives me a big plate with three witch seems kind of excessive but hey I’m not complaining see this is why Eliza is the actual best.

She gives Alexander some two and soon were all eating and laughing together and everything’s good but after I finished my last one that’s when the British burst in the backdoor of the kichen (we live on a slope so they didn’t need stairs).

“Be this the house of Angelica Schuyler?” the tall one says and thats when I realize its the same one from befor.

“Ya why?” I ask.

The guy next to him is a diferente guy though. “Well not anymore you need to come with us.”

“Why does she have to cum with you?” Alexander asked them defensively.

“Because we circumspect that you’re a which.”

“That’s not a very nice thing to say!” said Eliza sweetly “Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?!”

“Not anymore ma’am she dead.” He says solumnly.

“Oh my god I’m so sorry!” Elsa says and started crying.

“As we were saying,” he says over the sound of her sobs, “we think you’re a with and that’s illegal witch means you’re under a rest.”

“THIS IS SO UNFAIR” I yelled.

“For how long?” Alexander asks.

“For the rest of her life,” he said, “So basically just tonight because we’re burning her at the steak tomorrow morning.”

“Don’t you mean stake” I corrected wisely.

THey ignore this and make a move for me, butt Alexander steps in front of me with his fists raised. “I’ll fight you.” he says “Ill never let you take her this is against her constitutional rites!” he shouts angrily.

“It be a good thing for us, then, that she doth not have constitutional rights, for constitutional rights are not a thing in the colonies,” the other one says. 

“WELL THEY SHOULD BE!” Alexander says, “AND IF YOU TRY TO TOUCH HER I”LL PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE!” but I couldn’t let him do that so I sed “No wait I’ll go with them Alexander please don’t fight them you’re gonna get yourself killed or arrested too.”

“But Ange,” he wispers softly with pain in his beautiful brown eyes (there not as shiny as mine because their darker but they’re still beautiful in there on way) “How will I— I mean we—” he adds quickly looking at my sister whose sobbing even harder since she’s sad I’m gonna die, “—How can we go on without you? I can’t let you die I just won’t!” he yell and almost sounds like he’s on the verge of tears himself.

“Is ok I’ts a sacrifice I’m willing to make Alexander as long as nothing happens to you guise. Just promise to take care of my fam ok?”

“I guess,” he says and he does cry then and pulls me into a hug and holds me. He’s so warm but I’m worried Elizza’s gonna get jealous until she joins in turning it into a group hug dam it there both crying now I feel like crying too but I won’t because I have to be brave four them.

“It’s ok” I say even though it’s not.

So anyways that’s how I end up in the jill sell waiting for my to die. Its so dark and lonely in hear if only someone would cum and give me company I miss my family so much I’ll never let those dam Brits no how scared I am but I am I am scared bcase I don’t wanna die.

“Angelica!” a voide calls.

“Alexander what the fuck are you doing here you can’t bee here rn!” I tell him, “The gards are gonna catch you any second!”

“It’ll take 32,000 of them to keep me away from you!” he says like the bold stupid lovestruck idiot he is oh my god I don’t know whether to swoon or slap him. I’m not close enough to slap him at first, but he runs up to my jail and grabs the bars and by that point it’s just happy to see him “I know you don’t wont me too save your life.” he says “Wich is stupid but whatever. But I had to say goodbye to you.”

“Ok” I say and bited my lip slyly “and how we’re you planning to do that?”

“like this.” He said and then he put his lips on mine it was relly sexy we committed a french kiss for two hole minutes but then I hear another voce.

“Angie?!”

Oh god no tis my sister did she see us? We poll a part and Alexander leans against the bars of my jill causally smiling at his girlfriend like his tong wasn’t in my mouth to seconds ago.

“Angie!” she rushed off to me and she doesn’t look anger only worried so I’m hoping that means she didn’t see anything. “Angie I can’t belive your gonna die and leave me! I’m gonna miss you so much I wish I could hug you!!”

I put my hand thru the bars and squeeze her hand with it. Not a hug but its the best I can do under the circumstances. “Yule be fine Eliza just be your beautiful self and take no shit from anybody ok?”

She nods and teers start to fall down her innocent face again.

“Present company include” I added turning to Alexander with a glare “Siriusly I swear to God if you hurt Elia when I’m dead I will hunt you from the grape.”

“I understand,,” he sobs and grabs my other hand with his hand then he puts and arm around Eliza and leans again her for support.

We stood their holding hands for a while as they cry for me but then were rudely interrupted.

“How cute,” said the guard, “Well scram unless you don’t want me to give your girl her last meal and you’d rather she starves to death.”

“Fuck you,,,” Alexander sed thorough his tears but he leaves anyway Eliza looks back at my like a kicked puppy I feel so bad for them both but oh well time to eat.

“Here.” He drops a stale brad and a cop of water on the floor in my cell. IT was disgusting but I don’t want to me hungry during my last horas on earth so I ate it anyway.

They woke me up the next mourning at dawn after I had to sleep on the dirt floor it was gross and cold and really uncomfortable so I wake up hella tired.

All the town is there for my execution. We go onto this big wooden platform thingy with a giant firepit in the middle. I brefly wonder how they had time to set this all up, I don’t remember this being in town square before but it’s been awhile since I”ve been there. They had me step on this grill thing where they tide me up to a wooden post. There are British assholes all around me with pitchforks but there not aimed at me instead they’ve got steaks on the ends of them witch I assume their planning to roast. Y they think it would taste good with my ashes on them I have no idea but I’m not British I guest they like they’re steaks cooked different over their.

“Wellcome, wellcome all! We are gathered forsooth on this occasion to proceed over… THE TRAIL OF ANGELICA SCHUYLER!” he saiz very dramatically “Wilst the whitmans please step up and explicate wherefore the all of us be gathered here this fine morning?!”

Alla the gards looked at each other confussed. “wat?” one asks.

he rolled his eyes “Oh my god you guys are the worst British solders evar. Will the witmans get over here and tell the crowd why were doing her?”

“o why didnt you say so ok then.” A guy stops up and I realize it the other one from yesterday (I guess I just didn’t recognise him wen he wasn’t shouting, “YSTERDAY THIS HORRID WENCH DIDST PUT HER MIDDLEST OF FINGERS IN MY GENERAL DI-RECTION!” o ther he is y is he suddenly sounding like th other guy tho oh maybe hes poking fun at him or something I don’t know I’m just waiting for them to finish up and kill me.

“I NEVER TRUSTED HER,” the man cuntinuity, “BUT MY COMPANION DIDST DECIDE TO SHOWETH HER COMPASSION. AND WHAT DOES SH DO SHE POINTS HER MIDDLE FINGERS AT THE BOTH OF US!” the brits gasped. They were shoke. “WELL! AFTER SHE WENT HOME… ALL OF MY HAIR FELL OF!” he then reveled that he was wearing a wiig underneath his bald spot. “FURTHIERMORE I FOUND A MOLE ON MY STOMACH THAT I KNOW COULD NOT HAVD BEEN THEIR BEFORE AND I JUST KNOW IT’S HER FAULT THAT WITCH!”

“wut dose that have to do with anything?” I asked but they shush me and told me “quite which it’s not your turn to talk!” so ok whatever fine keep talking you fucking murderers.

“This be very compelling evidence indeedeth,” says the first, “But one is not enough. Let us have a second! You, boy, come, come!” he points to an ugly guy that oh my god it’s the one that hit on me fml.

“I never said a bad word against a lady before,” he says, “I’m just a nice guy gentleman who holds doors for the ladyfolk when they cross the street and tips my hat to them when they enter a room. But this, THIS w0man gave me a STRANGE FEELING yesterday when she flipped those british assholes no offense,” he adds prickly they ignore him, “But then SHE CURSED ME, CURSED when she rejected me to aN ENDLESS TORMENT I had NEVER felt pain like that before and I STILL FEEL IT NOW witch must mean it is an ETERNAL CURSE there can be no other logical explanation!!”

I have a few but I kept my mouth shut ‘cause I don’t want them to tell me to shut up again. ‘Well that settles it, thank you sir! But I have a third story, that I believe wilst be the nail in the coffin henceforth! You see, when I was flipped off by the wench’s cursed finger, I went home to find that ALL MY GLOVES had the EXACT SAME FINGER MISS SING! Coincidence?! I thinknot!”

“And ,now,” he said. “What, young lady, do you have to say for us all? A defense, perhaps? An explanation? Any last words?”

I no ther never gunna let me liver so I figure I may as well make my last words a mic drop.

“Fuk u” I says bravely and spit in his face. It docent it his face but it does hit one of the steaks pointed at me so I call it a win and smile bamfully.

The Britons were raged. “START THE PYRE THAT WITCH SHOULD NOT LIVE ANOTHER SECOND!” ses the shot one with no chill.

“Very well. I shall lite the sacred torch and let her beknownst to all that dareth defy us! We shall expel this ccurse from this grate colony of New York and-”

“r u gonna do it or no?t” another brit said “I WAS GETTING TO IT OHMY GOD.” he replie “ANYWays as I was sailing DYE WHICH AND CURSE US NO MORE!” Then he lit the grill.

The flams take awhile to get up to my feet but when they do I fell the warmth in my toes spread like… well. Not exalty _wild_ fire but. Anywayso their burining the hell out of me witch I assume is also were I’ll end up sense I kissed my sister’s bf and thats adulting aka a sinbad. The feeling spreads up my body like the orgasm ill never gotta hav I assume that’s what they felt like Ugg why do I have to die a sad virgil. It ghost up to my legs, my belly, my arms, my chest, neck, and finely to my hed until it reaches the top but why don’t I see fire around me? no instead I felt a since of power liek I can do anything all of a

sudden weight what?

And then I see the fire, but it doesn’t touch me for some raisin sNo instaed it stoped a few inches short of my skin, surrounding me but never burning me directly, like im in a bobble What?

I sea it above my head but theirs no burning sensate in my hare atoll and then they’res a flash of pink light and all the fire disapparates. I stood there competely unharmed by the flemes that are now gone, the hole town and all the British soldiers staired at me, speechless. I felt weird about that, being stared at and I wished I could just escape these rops and go home thots’ when as soon as I think it I’m in my house, in my room, no ropes around me whatever and I look in the mirror. My outfit is this ugly prison sack of gray and its covred in dirt cause the dirt flor I was tring to slep on erlier. It doesn’t look like the fames got to it at all thogh. Curously I wish to myself that I’m clean and waring one of my regular pretty badass outfits and then the pink ligh fleshes again and im pretty in pink, totally clean like non of it even happen

what

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lik if u cryed


	2. Chapter 2

“I herd you made quiet a spectacle at the excusetion.” my father says form my bedroom dorway.

“Dad what the fuck. You sem awful calm about this. I couldve died dad” I told him upsetly.

“Ah, but you didn’t, did you? Now tell me Angie, y do you thick that is?”

“Idk! HOw the fuck am I spoused to know! All I know is I was gunna die and then some weird pink stuff happen and now I’m hear in my rom? If you know what the hell thats all spoused to mean I’d love to here it but all I know is the world doesn’t make cents anymoor” I go to sit on my bed, creful not to distub the pretty peticots under the pink skirt part of my dress, and sigh prettily.

He woks to the bed and joans me in sitting their. “Now comeon Angelica. Ur a smart girl. Why dont u tell me how it felt when they we’re tring to burn yew.”

“It felt like I was being burnt aliv! Accept then I’m not! Actly it kinda felt… hmm like good maybe? idk how to say it but it was like tingley and stuff” I thot very hard. “I tink I would’ve licked it had it not ben such a shoke maybe. But it was just scry to no I had no control on it i guest”

MY father grins. “That’s rite. Now do you remember herring abut anything happening lik that b4? Think hard, my Angie.”

“WEll…” No wait. That can’t bee… “Those stories you used to say wen we were kids, abut our grandfucks and ansisters. Butt.. but I though those werjust a mith!”

He shrugged “Nope. I new you always were skepctial even when young, witch meant I coldn’t warn you without you writing it of as me bing silly and superstition. you convinced Eliza and Peggy it wasn’t tru as well, so I guest I just had to weight till you were old enog to have the puberty kick in and let you sea it four yourself.”

No that I thick about it, wait “those adds you doo for the store… ur not lying when you sed its reel magic. I thogt it was just a biznees strategy!”

“Weeeeeeeeeeeelll, sort of. Come with me.” He snaped his fingers and were in the shop downstairs, standing up, without have to move atall. “The truth is, all of these artifax have _sum_ degree of magick. Thats how im able to do so many trix for the town and empress them, becos I have magic myself. However the resin they think it’s a mak-bolivia is becase when _they_ tri to due it it fails for them. While the magic resinates well enough that the products aren’t complete dudes, they relly work best if pared with someone who nose what there doing, aka someone who has magic. Like us.”

Im still try to processing “sooooo hour family has magic then? All of us?”

He pots a hand on his chin. “Agan, not exatly. Only firstborns has magic. The rest of the family is muggleborns, mening their just as incapable of it as the rest of the human pop elation. Lucky for you I hapened too be the firstborn in my family aswell, wich mens I can help you. But yours sitters may never understood the struggle we magic folk go thru.”

“Ok that meks cents then so like do u have any triz to teach me?” I ask curiosity.

“Shore no prob,” He said and then he dose this awesome thingie with his hand ware he wags it in a fancy whey then ask me to do it two so i do and all the stuffing we sell comes fling throat the room in a circus it was hecking cool! Dam spelling is fun!

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!” Peggy walkked in the room confusedly.

Oh wait I totally forgot to introduce Peggy my bad so Peggy is my other sister basefully end shes younger then Eliza and not as cool kind of a bitch actuly but we can’t chose our family exempt I love her and she’s kinda cool sumtimes but not today shes on one of her moods again it looks like.

“were practicing magic.” Dad ses simply, “Oh that reminds me yah your sisters a witch. All the stores I told you growing up wer true so I guess you too should know now sence Angelica already fond out.”

“K,” Peggy reptiled, “But why are you doing magic in the vew of the oprah window genuses? don’t you remember the Brits are stil try to kill her!”

“CRAP” I yell, drooping teh magic items.

Thank fully dad picks them up with his mage befor the can fall on the flor and brake. Carefuly he buts them back wher they go and everything’s boring agin.

“Thanx a lot Peggy” I said sourly.

“Your welcome for literally saving your life biotch.” she respond just as saltily and takes her coat. “Anywho I’m going for a walk. Try not to die before I get back fam.”

dad stairs at the door solumnly after she closets it. “Whe’ll work on it.” he says finely.

“I hat to admit it but Peggy’s got a point. What ARE we teling the Brits and all the townfuqk? How do I prevent form getting excuted again?” now that it’s downing on me I’m starting panic.

“You survived the fifrst time didn’t you?” Fatter encourages. “Dont worry, we’ll figure it oat. But stay inside ur room until I do.”

“Well fine I guess” So I go their.

My room is ok though I guess I’m just lonely. I wish I had a friend in here.

“What up, girlfriend.” A wild John Laurens appares, that’s my BFF fover(He dosen’t mena “girlfrind” literally he hella gay. Im the only one who nose it thou cause it’s forbaden in the colonials and his dads a huge hamophobeic. It’s kinda too bad two hes really handsome and all, not that hes as hot as Alexander but if my hart didnt blog to him already i cold sea myself hoking up wit John Laurens a few tames maybe).

“WHAT UP BICH” I say exitedly and hog him.

He hogs back and ses “So how the fucc did you surviv literally getting said on fire? Wood you mind telling me the exalt moment you turnt into such a frekking badass? What is that pink stuff and how many devils do I have to fucc to get some for me?”

I laf. “It’s magic and unfortune for you its genetic so you cant have any. It is cool tho wanna see what I can do?”

“Fucc yeah!” he said.

So I wavved my hennas not sur what im aming to due then Oliver sudden we end up teleported onto a boat out at see nare the dox. The water smeels rel saltly and seelike but oh no laurens is landed in the water dont worry frend ill sav you! I gatherd my magicks again and turned the water so i twas like a fontaine thingie squirting him upwards it increased really bigly until he lands rite next to moi onto the dec of the bot. Then I used moar magic to airdry him so hes not wet anymor.

“THAT WAS TOTALLY WICKED!” he yell, “Just like define gravity! Ivanna go again!” He ties to jump but I pole him back.

“No dumass that was an accident now stand back before you get kilt” I reprminad “I ddn’t mean to almost drowned you ok”

“Well shit,” he said, but he wasn’t tacoing about tat. Insted it seams he’s looking at the gards down blow oh fuck were on a British boat so much for staiding lowprofile so I don’t died tats karma for being showoff ig.

“RUnd” I say to him so we don’t get cot i hed to the back where they cantsee use. Unfortune theres even mor Brits there and their… having an tea party?

“I do sayeth I needst more of the chamomile for ‘tis sooth my royal tongue.” (shit I reckonize that guy)

“For sure sir,” his fried sayeth, and pores it in his cup.

“Yo,” said the third, “who the fuck is you?”

“Um, were your friends Samael duh.”

“No not you, them!” he says and pointed strait at us!

“Angelica,” John whispered loudly, “Use the force!”

“wat?”

“YOUR MAGIC GIRL,” he whisperes louder, histing USE IT!”

“o ya” i said so i panicly shoot them with the pink light it works they disappeared but ware did they go i wonder?

Sudden the gards form below appear from round the corner. “STOP RITE THEIR WITCH.” oh god not you.

“No YOU stop.” John says bravely “OR WHAT” says the guard they’re both ponting their swords at us.

“Or,” he say, picking up teabags from all the chars. “She gonna turn you into tea like wit these morans.”

O is that what i did? dam maybe i AM a badas.

The second guard looks scare. “Dude idk i don’t wannt a get turnt like that…”

“YOU IDIOT. WE HAVE SWORDS. YOU WANT TO THE KING TO EXCUTE YOU?”

“Shit no i guest not.” The second gard threats us again.

“You’re mistake” I sed, and for once I belive in myslef. I turnt both to giant china teapots, with they’re arms and swords froming the spout. The teapotts are as big as smol puppes but way less cute.

John turns to me and smils “You wanna do the honors or should I?””

I grine back “Together” i decid

“One,” he said

“Too” I follow

“THREE!” we says together and dump the tea form the potts over the sid of the boat until its all gone.

Just then we hear cheers from down blow. The twnspeople! Theyve gathered down at the dox to watch!

I hear a coff from behind. Its more Britshits, but this time there scarred.

“Have mercy, shedemon,” one buggers.

I rase my hands up. “I will but only as long as you do wat i say” they nod meakly “you will get of this ship, you will let me live. You will take the rest of your bots from New Yorkshore and live us aloner. Then you will tell king George that New Yok Citty does not sumit to him. End finaly you will let us clam this ship for American. Ken you do that?”

They do that. Ive never felt more aliv.

John Lorens start smash ing all the teacops and potts “THIS! BELONGS! TO! aMErICANOW! FUCC YEAH!”

“ok dude calm down” i said cause he is way too exited about this.

“Sorry.” He said sheepishly.

“it’s ok” i say. Butt I do help him throw the table over the sith cause secritly I’m excite two.

“This” I declair, “Marks the begin of the end of tyranny four us!”

The towns cheers. I jump off the borat and land in the razed arms off the townspople and crowdsurf all the way back to my house.

My father smileys. “Well I don’t thick yule gotta hid anymore.”

I beem back.

Peggy rolls her eyes. “Whatevs. It’s still freaky.”

I smirk. “U mad sis?” she rollers them agin.

Eliza pipes in. “Sooooooo, a celebratory cake for everybuddy?!” she suggests adorbly.

“Yaaaaaaay!” we cheer and thats exatly wat happens.

BUT THEN the next day:

A nock was at the dore! T was Bendita Arnold, the seemstress next door!

“Hello my I spake to Angelica please?”

“This is she” I sais

She smiles mysteriously. “That’s a pretty dress you hav there.”

“Thanks I know” I told her humbly it was a bright red dress with a large white ruffley part under the skirt that matched the frilly collar also there was blue lace in the back that really tied it together (literally cos their was a ribbon tie at the top and bottom of my back so.)

“I bet your wole wardrobe is just as beautiful,” she adds. “It is!” I tol her. “Good, good,” she reply, “Now as you now I am a seemstress witch means I kno hao to make the dresses and modify them. I was wondered if you could lend me sum so I can put an A on all of them?”

“K why” i ask curios.

She smils again. “Why so everyone can know of your heroic deeds ofcurse! Your our librator after all rite?”

“Rite!” I say enthusiastly.

“Right so I’m just gonna need to mark up all your cloths so that wen your in the streets everyone can sing your praiss and dismember I mean remember the girl who defeated the Brits!”

“Well that sounds awesome and totally not suspicious at all so, okay!” I agred and apparated may clothes into a box too give two Bendita to altar.

But little did i knod that this wood bee the beginning of the end….


	3. Chapter 3

Queso I didn’t no this at th time but way back over acrostic the see in Briton the evil king Gorge was lunching around in his golden thrown all high and mightily, plodding his next move.

“Sire,” a mon sawed to him “,I’m her with the tee you ordered.”

“Abot tim!” he sad cantankerously and took a drinks, then promptly spitted it back en the dudes face”THIS ISN’T WANT I ORDERED!” he yell’ “I assed for earl green not gay now get this out of my facet!” He throwed the cup acrost the rome and it smashes the fancy marble flor.

Hurriedly the servants goed to clean it up befour he cold scald them for their lazzyness. The other dude nods and leaves to git better teal.

“Your Magistrate.” another pearson sais, “I beer news from the colonials.”

“Which on we legit one the world cuz Im the best king in the history of all the kingz!” gEorge said delusionally.

“It… tis New York sire. Hour spy has sent word that the navel grads all got turnt to tea or left before the could all thanx to that witch they werent ability to killed.”

“O GOD SAVE MY NOBILITY ASS WY THE FUC DID THEY LEV THOSE FOOLS WILL PAY ME!” the king ragged angerly he then snitches the tea from the dude from before who now bought him another one and tacks a swig.

“thats better WAIT IS THIS DECAF!?” he demands.

“Um. Well. Thou sea sir the cock just thot yu could do with a little less energy for your sleep habbits, the caffeinate tends to make you cranky-“

“I’M CRANKY NOW YOUR BLITHERING FOAL! Now, GET ME THE RITE TEE OR SO HELP ME you and everyone hoo helped to prep it will be beaded!” George screend than he thru that tea on the floor as well, this time at the fotes of the man who broth it.

“Krightawaysiryessir,” he said quickly as he runed away.

He turns back too the person wit the massage from Merica, “Any other morans I need to sence to death toady?”

“Well actuly the letter hath some good news also. Thou see, the spye just so happened to be a seemstress sew she hath marqued thee cloths of the fowl which with her first initial, mening wen we send our next guards thell kno exactly whom to kill!”

the King smelled. “I new trusting Bendita Arnold was the rite incision. Giveth her a pay rise and send those guards to kill that blasted Angelica Skyler _(AN: u c its relevant thats why i had 2 start wit King Gorj i bet u wer wondring y its cos shes his traget)_ , the best and most loyalist gurds you kin fined. Oh butt make sure their also assassins so they can sneak up on her, we dont wont to attract too much attencion, not yet anyway.”

“Yessir,” he salutations and goed to do his bidding.

That left the King aloned witch was not happy: “AND WARE IS MY BLOODY TEA! WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TOO GET DESCENT SERVICE AROND HER!!!”

Anyway so back in the colony of New York everything was awesome there four me cause I was the nu celebritie slash heroin with meant I was hella popular all of a saddened. I mean the boyz being all over me wasn’t anythig new but now the girls wanted to bee my fried two usually I just had John and Eliz as friends. Also the adults are trating me different like before my dad new I was special I guest but now its like everyone dose. Coal! Plus since no one was tring to kill me anymore _(An: ya I no ther actully try to Mordorer but shh she dosent kno that yet its secrete!)_ I could use my magic and dint have to be secritve, and that ment I can practice and shit!

Their I wuz walking in the middle of the rood i wore a beatifull wite dress almost like for a weeding only the sleeves we’re big and puffy and bloo with red strips like Snow White except way pritter and hotter also there was a hug bright red A on my torso thanks to the seemstress next dore and ther’s a wide bustle which maks the skrit part have at least a foot distance between me and people on both sides and Imma big fan because like fame is nice but i need personal space yo ADditional the front part of the skirt is all split in the mid to revel blu ruffles allinol itsa reel solid outfit like 10/10.

I cum too the townsquared and am like “WHAT UP TONSPEOPLE WANNA SEE ME DUE MAGIC STUFFS” and there like “YEAH!” so thats what i do

i tak a blackbird sit on the woodrail and sed it on fire with my hands like a phoenix but becos its magic it doesn’t die instead it flys up higher and higher into the skye and gets bigger and bigger until sudden I explode it and then turn it into a bold eagle to symbol FREEDOM wich incidentally is also what the black smoke spells in the wake of the explosion. They all claped and I bod humbly.

I steeped don to walk back hom with John Laurens and the town disperses “That was wicked cool Ange. No pun intended lol, cuz the wicked witch.” “Thanks I said to him but something is nagging at my = why is it me that got sparred when so manny peephole hav did in my place how many Britshits have killed bright young women sick of swimmin ready to stand because they THOUGHT they were witches and sumtims it wasn’t even tru? I just fel so fortune but also sad for all the wiches less powerful than I and I wish I knowed wat it all meant. Unfortune that’snot the sort of twig that gets resolved with a simple wish if only but hey If there’s a reason I’m still alive when literally anyone else in that situation would’ve died, I’m willing to wait for it.

“excuse me miss,” ugh god really ANOTHER guy who the fuck could this ashole be. “i no is not funny but ur perfum smiles like your Daddy’s got money.” He smils real smuglike.

I give him dis Look. “wtf wat a weird thing to say to another human person. y have u bin sniffing me”???

“it’s okra imma trustfund baby, you can trust me! Baby ;)” he says and winks like he thinks hes bein all subtle.

I breathe in and exorcise the last of my patience, then put my hand on his shoulder, “I’ve been reading common sense by Thomas Paine, some men say that I’m intense or I’m insane, you want a revolution I want a revelation, so listen to my declaration: back the f up fukboi like 500 steps at least or I won’t hesitate to blast you back myself.”

“OkaynicetomeetyoutooAngelica, myname’sAaronBurrif you change your mind or need me foranythingbuy!!” he calls over his should as he runs of very fast. Fuckin finally

“idk Angelic he seemed kinda cool to me, maybe you coulda been nicer?”

I turn on John. “Ru srs rn? He was a creep! Don’t tell me ur on his side this tim!”

We wolked into the magick shoppe as he says, “Im just sayin’ having hot guys hit on you maybe isn’t the wurst thing ever? If me dad wasnt so dam impressive to me for the gay and I didn’t have to hid I can’t say id complain in your sitch gurl.”

“Well if your’e so attracted to him maybe you should be duh one to dat him? Don’t putty that unto moi!” I retort him back.

He said sumthing after that but I cant here it becos suddenly their’s a roar in my hears as I watch my sister and her boyfire… macking out in the mid of the stoar. Mabe I’m not one to tik tok wen it comes two acting on ur feels…. Shit dont cry its perfectly normal four just let yor sister enjoy herself… wit Alexander.. the love of my live. Tis fine.

Den I hear John cum to my rescued. “Yo, heteros, could you get a room maybe? We’re kinda in the middling of a conv and also gross.”

“Bold of you to assume i’m hetero, this is bi erasure,” Ham said sourly then he taks my sis bi the arm, “Cummon bab lets take this upstairs to the bedroom.” and gives her this wink that’s totally hot not like that uggo Burr and my hart achoos.

“Okay!” Eliza sais enthusiastly and they run up stares together sigh I’m happy for them I sware. So so happy…

“Thanks” i tol Jon Larens.

“Welx.” He replid. “Butt that actly leads me back to the pint I wuz making… like… u legit have bigger probs then men being interested in you. Literally. Because Alexander’s not interested in u.”

“K first of all rude” I says “scond, yew donut kno how Alex feels abot me so stfu. And quatro, even if that we’re true I’m aloud to care about moar than one thing at a tim?? Don’t mainsplan to me what I can’t and can complan aboot! dude”

John rollers his eyelids, “Shore you CAN if you wanna act lik a spoilt lil bitch about it…”

“THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME” I tells him.

Hes unphased. “o sry did u nut here me? i SED ur acting like-“

But I dant let him Finnish instaid I stood up for myslefs and blasted him with magicks angerly. Just like that he gots tide up with spiderwebs with big spiders crawling out of it he screams HOLY SHIT I’M SORRY OH MY GOD DRAMATIC MUCH??”

I satisfied since he apologized no need forefather action figure so now just got to think how to git him outta there? I should probs get red of the spiders fist so thatwhat I tri to due. Unfortune wat happens is the spiders get bigger and meaner o shit what the fuck I wanted to freak him out not killer him! K Angie don’t panick oar ur gon get make it worse!

Than an unexpected miracle happens- the brits! For once im actual happy there interfering in my lifes as they burst in the dor to tri and kill me now there’s a use for the spiders since idk how to rid of them! I mak the spiders bigger even still and then put them all on the Britons who shriek louder than litter girls who here noises under the beds at nite but they still go in for the attack and their surroundings us so time to fight

I run up to the wol and grab a sword and pull it off the wall but the first thing I doo is i go up to my friend who is still pretty sacred and cut him loose of the webs tieing him up. Now that he can asist me in the fight he goes up to the wall and grabs the other sword then we both start swinging at the British assins.

“There’s so many of ‘em!” Jon cries to me.

“I no I kno! But I have faith in you John! Even thou ur wrong about a lot of things and kind of a douche sumtimes I now I can always relied on you for help in a fight!” I entourage him.

“Butt I haves no mag!c” he counters.

“Perhaps” I said, “but that doesn’t mean yor useless. I mean if i just cut out any1ne from my live without magix I would legit have no friends except maybe my dad and im not about to be that lonerly. Like even Alexander doesn’t have magic! Trust me we got ‘tis! I have fath in usted Johnald!”

“That’s not my name but ok!” he argues kinda missing the poit of my inspire speech ther bud but whatevs as long as he’s willing to fite

Wen were done all the Brits are kilt and bleeding inside the shopper and holy crap dad is so gunna be pissed abut the mess. But I hav one finale quest ion for dem. I chose one at random that’s only mostly deed but stil a little alive.

“How did y’all find me?” I ast.

‘Twas… ‘twas your neighbor, Bendita Arnold. She told us ware you live. And you may have made shot work of us madam, but more will come. More… will… come…” He hath but on last final word and breath left in his bod. “Bitch,” he says at last and then dies immediately.

“That betrayer! Forsooth! For shame! Son of a bitch. I am so fucked.”

I sad but John confronts me “is okay grill. We kin handle it. After all” he turns on me grining “, We make quiet a team.”

“Yeah…” I answer back but a thot occurs to me: I can crate life! I wandered watt this truly ment for me like in a longterm séance. Mayb its time to see what I can do, to test my limits and brake thorough………..


	4. bring me 2 lyfe

I siht on my bed thicking about a dilemma tat I hav. See I know Ive been hidding it reel well but this hole my sister datting Alexander thing is lik totally taking its tole on me. Its on thing for a bunch of evil Brits two try kiling u but I’ts another thing entyrely four ur hart to be broke that’s worse than a thousand sords cutting thru my bodily at once. Besids I no I can surviv that now that I has magic. But all though I thot I cold handle leting Eliza be wit the man I lover it turned out taht wasn’t somthing i cud deal with longterm and I’m wandering how lung twill be until I brake my sisterly loyalist and go for it and the last thing I won’t do is hertz her. And if I don’t go for it ill spent the rest of my live wonder wat could’ve bin and in pain! UGH why dose life half to bee so edificial!

If only ther was a weight o make sure Eliza ends up happy AND I can haz Alex and nether one of us has our herts broketh.

Hold up. I can crate life. I just thot of the perf soluble! If I can mek a new bf for Eliza and she falls in luv wit him then I get Alexander all to myslef and shell be ok! Yas this is the bestest thing theirs no way id go rong lets do this

i tele port back down too teh shop and lurk for something to use o I know wat about this box laying on th flor duing absolutely nothign!

That’ll work So in order to due this I gotta make sur none’s around ore find a place to hid let me try the broom closet wow it smells bad in her oh wait I hav magic I can Febreze that no problem. Done. K now how to crepe life again…

This can nut just bee any life ether. This has two be gud enuf for my sister who I love moar than anythig. It’s probs one of thee moste importante lives if not thee moste importante lif I ever crate. But no presh I reminded meself.

I picture a body that’s attractive but not so unreel that she questions it sence most of the village peeple here are pretty avergage. Than I make him the sweetest most nicest most chivalrous dude ever bcos she dserves the absolut best and that’s ho she is. _(AN: Bee creful wat u wiz for gurl lmao)_ Final I to conjure up my feels from the last tim I did this, letsee I was feeling sum strong things so ill let that motive mee. I close my eyes and remember that horrible feel of seeing Alexanders lips on my sister’s moth und how grate it felt when he kist me in that jill cell and how made I was when John Lourdes questioned our love and how this will super show him when my plan wokes and-

“Uhhello. Ware am i? And um also who am I?” I open. The box is gone and standing their is a guy that’s hot but conforms to relistic body typos too! I can’t believe it this is already going greet! But I should probables give him a name huh?

“uhhh John” I said quickly, relishing too late that it’s awk to have him Cher a name with my best gay friend.

“John huh? John who?”

I look around four a nam. “John, um, lock” No dammit that guy already exits he rote a bunch of famosa shit I got to think of somethin else “No wait I mean ur John, uhhhh” This space is so tite it reminds me of confession, “Church” I sad without even thinking.

“John Church. Okay. I like that. And who are you?”

Phew okay hard part’s over. “My name’s Angelica Schuyler and I’m your, um. Let’s say handler. Just flow my lead.” I take him by the arm and led him out of the close. “I can’t wait to induce you to everyone!” I sid excitedly and brig him upstaire.

Thots when I sea Alexandre there but this tim hes aloan, so we hug and hold onto eachotehr for just a lil bit longer than apropos bfor we brake apart cuz I ned to tell him who this nu John is. John Church looks confussed.

“sari” I sais, “lemme intro u. Alexander, this is John Church. he was a cardboard box a few mins ago, so he’s still not used too teh wurld arond him. John, this is Alexnader, the gratest men Ive evar met so far in me live”

Jhon looks Alexander up and don and smiles friendlyily. I shod him how to shake hands, demo with myself first, then encouraged Alexander to due it two. Alexander locks at him wary as he dose and once their done he turnd back tue me.

“did you said he was a cardbord box?” he ask.

“Yup! I said “I mad him cuz I wanted to-” wait shit he cant no im using him to replace him for Eleza until she mets him for herself “cuz… uh… BECAUSE I WANTED TO TEST MY ABLES SENCE I LEARNT I CAN CREATE LIFE I WANTED SEE HOW FAR THAT WENT yeah that’s it mm-hmm” i slently patted myself on the back fur my cleverness.

“K” he says, nodding approvally. “But y did you chose a name that he chers with ur bff? Ushould call him somethin cool. Lik Frank”

“Ew wy Frank thats an ugly name” I responded

“like Frankenstein! Or actly its Frankensteins monster but everybody caled it Frankstein anyways so mabel you shuld say that.”

I gave him a look. “he’s MY creation ill name him whatver I want. Maybe when YOU turn cardboard into a human bing YOU can nam him that but let me doo my thing”

“Fair,” he says, “But im gunna called him Frank cuz I don’t wanna confus him with JOhn Laurens if that’s cool with you.”

“It’s okay with ,me” John said, “I just got here so, I have no opinion on either name.”

“Fine I guest” I say altho I mostly just anoyed that he though of it before I did. Whatevs Johns a nice name to.

So then my next and biger task was to intro him to Elizard but that prooved to b not as I expect.

The thing is it starts out grate cause like she comes in and I’m so excite we hug and i squished her rell tite and she was like “ok” like she was a good spirit about it but she was clarity confused by my enthused. Then I introducted her to John after I had taught him a few stuffs about how to acct and promised him to keep quite about were he’d com from (we just sad hes visiting from Joisey). He kist her hand very plitely and she similed at him then he says, “You look lovely maam.”

And she blushes all cute and turnt away but than she said “But not as cute as Angelica im sure.”

“well its hardly up to me to compare one women’s booty to another,” John resounded all smooth, “So let me just say youve both got good jeans it’s no wonder ur both so pretty.”

“Thanks!” we both sed and I really mento it. I was so happy that they were get along so well but then my sisters like “I can see why Angelica’s so crazy abot yu.” wait what.

“She is?!” John said excited and looks at mee the way wit that eager face Ive scene on so many dudes before oh god pls no.

“I am???” I say trying tue act nurmal but freking out internally and giving Eliza this look like wat the fuk u doin gurl.

“Ya of course!’ she sad with a sweet smile, “That’s why you were introing me rite? Yew wanted me to met your boyfried!”

John looks at me fo r a sine but icant tol him any till I talk to Eliza so I take her by the arm and poll her a side.

“Johns just a fried Eliza” I wisped “And I relly dont lik you macking assumptions about my luv live”

“Sorry!” she whspered back “I ddnit mean to assume but if ur not dateing him why did you introduce him to me like that? Yu weren’t like this wen I met Laurens.”

“No,” I whispered, “that’s b cosine was hopping the too of yew would get it on- I mean get along. He was totally complimenting you!”

“Ya and Im totally dating sumone else Angie! What the hell? Your tring to set me up with some rando? I thought you liked Alexander!”

Bitch thats the fuckening problem oh my ghod… K calm down… shes got every right to react this whey… even if it dose make things dificil…

“I do” I whisp, not betraying anymore “But the thing is, I uh…” Then I think of the perf thing to tell her. “I think he’s in love with someone else.”

Eleazer gasped “who?!” she yelled. I shush her and she said sorry but she still looks at me all curios.

“idk” i tell her, suddenly nervos.

“Is it Laurens?”

“wtf no why would you think that?” I ask her confused.

“Well if you don’t kno who it is den how do yo no its not Laurens?” Elisa asks reasonably. “PLus he said he was bi so”

Shit shes kinda got a point. “I u… I kno becase they said twas a girl”

“Who said that Angie?”

“I don’t remember it was just a rumor I herd in the crowed.”

“k well if that’s all you hav Ill just talk to Alexnader myself. I’m not gonna beliv the rumormill over my bf.”’

“Soot yourself” I said but honestly I was just relived that the interrogate was finale over. “ANYWAYS” I lower myself to a whisper agin “So ok yu have a bf. But if you didn’t have a bf how would you fell about John Church? Be honest.”

Elsa glared at me for sum resin “Honestly? He isnt my typo. And if u don’t wont me too tell u how to love your life than maybe don’t due the sam two me? Just suggestin’ other than that he’s lovey and well-manored and he sonds lik a good fried. Im sur hed make a grate bf if you decid to go their but IM not gunna k?” She smiles and this tim it fels just a lil passive-aggressive as she woked away.

Well that was a fucing disaster. _(An: lolol just u wat girl it gits so much wrse)_ I goed into the kitch were John Church wats all patently “She seems nice!” he sed oblivious.

Butt they’re is something waying on mi mind, “Yea. uh John ou know were not together rite?”

Oh go d he is sad. This is so not raven. “Were not?” He luks all said puppy eye.s

“No. Actuly the raisin I was so eaker to intro u was becuz I was hopped you wiuld hit it of wit Eliza.”

“Oh. Well. Uh. Shes nice and all, but she docent sem that interested? Also i didnt want to sae enfrente of her but shes rigt, you kinda are the pretty one. Not that she snot! Anwyas it’s not just a loks ting. I men, you CRATED me. I literally owe you my life. Yuve taught me everything I no! How culd it not be you I fallen for?”

I uselly dont fel bad about rejecting guys but god he just looks so sincer and hes righte I am the one who cremated him…

“That’s sweat of you Jon but weave legit only noun eachother four a few hores. I promis ur not in love with me. Trust me I know what love is and it is…” My hart pangs thicking of Alex againder “…so mucho wurst” I admited too him.

“oh.” he hangs his hed dwn.

That swen Alejxander bursts into da hose “Hey Angelcia. Frank.” He nodes to us bot. “Ether off u no where Elishab es? Weve gotta date tonigt.”

“Probs in her rom” I sed, now sad nut just because of Alexander but also becos Eliza smad at me

“Actually Im right hare!” Elizasaid, rentering the kitchin agin this tim in a rely classy dress it was dark blu not like her usual lite bloo and it was lower cut than normal but in a clasy way not in a sluty way ok my siter’s not a hoe. The slevs stoped at her elbows with gorgous lace around them witch matcha the lace on her colar oslo. Her skrit was long and poofy but modest just like her and shoed just a little ankle but lik a saucy tactful amont okay don’t get the rung idea. Anyway it was just enough tat u cold sea here matching blue heals and white pantyhouse and I wanna cri not just because my sisters growing up and so pretty and going on a dat with Alex but also becuz despit ore enstrangment its clare she learnt to accesoriz from me honestly id be flaterd if I wasn’t so upset rn.

“Cool lemme just usar bathroom real quic.” Alexader sais and goes of to find it.

Thus hole things just fallen a part just lik my life but wate that’s wen I release something. I looked at John as he doesnt even look at Eliza, to cot up with me and Im not even waring anything special today just tis dress with sleeves off the shoulder rapped around my armies and blent in with the collar wich is also suggestiv but not sluty like it stops rite above where my bobs start sew theres not even cleavage or anythig. It’s pink which is my fave coloar apart from the red white and blue of America and the lace on my collar and sleeves is a dark royal purple jest lick the sash around my waste. My skirt doesn’t even poof out that much its also pink but thers a part in the mid that splitz into white that also has purple lace separating it form the pink part, and purple lace on the butom of the dres but it reches the full floor and covers my ancles completlee wile I have this pink hells to match that no one can see but there the same exact colour as the dress. I men I look good ofc but its not al that different form usual, not like im in anything fancy.

But the pont is John Chruch is so into me that hes moar into looking at me that Elesa and Elizas not into John… BUT Alexander is into me aswell as Easel sooooo

I hag anew plan, a bakeup plan. A brillent plan!

“You kno wut u wer both right.” I said to the too stella in the rom that mans John Chruch and Elise. “John we mae not bee in luv but maybs we can git to now eachother like say over diner?”

“Cool!” he said all exited.

“Cool…” Eilish said “but not where were goin rite?”

“NOp just at home! Afterall I donut want to overwhelm you John! Yule get to se the rest of the ton later plus im a relay good coke.” I waked toward him, tring not to look him in the eys cuz i no hes more into this then me but I stil grab his hand witch fells a little like cardboard (oka maybe I needed to wurk one the texture so it feels the way skin felts…) bot its all smooth and that’s gud enuf four the time bing.

Alexander cums back shotly. “Readdy Elizaz?”

“Ye Im read.” She said. “Ho bout you two?”

“You who?” he asking (YES this is mmy momint! To show him. When he seize me wit John hell be so jealust! )”me and John” I say and grin at hem slylyke.

Joan smils back and I fel just the slitest bit glittery aboat it but that dosent stahp me from kissing his lips and slipt me tounge in they’re tow. (ya they definite feel like cardboard im stating to see why Eliz wasnt into this. I aid a lil waters too his moth by tryng to shoot my powers thru my tong it works so that helps a little ill work on the rest toonite wile there gon)

Wehn I lurked aback at him, Alexande hade his mouth gaping open wid. Eliza was a bet hader to rade but she toked Alexa’s hand beefore he could sai anythi and quitely leads him ot the dore. Still as she doss that he keps his eyes on use the whol timer even craning his nex to keep loking I smile and wave at him holding upp Josh’s hand with my otter hand “I plane tho have as much fun as ur planing Alexander! Stay out as late as you want!”

AS I kist Jonh”s check I kept my eyes on Alexane this time and cache him glare at me lik I betrayd him somhow then he shuts his mouth and the door exept its more of a slam. _A(N: tis iz whn sit getz reel u guize betcha dint c dat un cumin huh now luk hoos pinnin)g_

Didi go to far? Or not far enoug? Owell now that hes gone tim to work on my curation s’more.

It wont be the kind of fun I tol Alexander I was gunna hav, but i betit will still bee on helluva ride! 😈


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some crack in honor of Independence Day, because I missed dumb problems.

“reminder me wy were throing this ball again?” i tol me dad.

“heheh… ball…” Alexandr lafs immaturely.

“Oh glo-up” I says amused but also anoyed

“omg its for the fucking brits Angelo DUH!” Peggy exclams condescendingly “remind me agin why everon thicks YOUR the smart one???”

“well jfc bitch theirs no need to effing yell GOD”

“As Paggy was saying, however rudley,” Dad ejects “, We need to sho a gesture of gud fath, hence why wer gong allout for this. If we can throw a good enoug patty then maybs we wont be toast and the Brits won’t declaration war onto us.”

“We’re gunna ned more decoratives then…” Juan Lorens sed doubtfully, “idk if thers enough in the world to make them not be dix to us. I men just lock wut they kept dong to Ange! If she want a wich she’d be so ded rn!”

I node en inthusiastic agree but stope when Henry Laurens galres at me (thats Jons father the dick I was teling u abot earlier but we hav to bee nice to him cos hes like super rich and kin help us and this a really big task all the Americs kinda need to be unit for this.)

“Whale I for one think it a splendid ida.” Henrie Luaren talks to Dad in a passive agresoin tone that’s a lil ammoed at John too. He noticed and swallows reael big then ghosts off to get more decs probably ‘cuase the don’t like to be in the sam room troughgether.

“Ya im wit him war suxx.” Eliza agred, “If I can bake a cake full of rainbows and smiles and we cold all ate it an be happy then no oney haz to dies!!”

“Thats sweat gurl but idk if itll work work,” Alexand sad back”But good luck I man Ill be tring my bestest too! I’m just sayin…”

“Wat do you think Angielica?” Jhon Chruch asked me kindley

“well I don’t like these britsih aholes” I confuss honestly “butt sence this was my dads idea I stand bhind it and hop for the best! All we can do is our best rite?”

“RitE! I agree totally!” john Church says i’m prety shore he dosn’t actualy udnerstand watts going on I thunk he just wanted to be a good bf witch is probs why Alxander glares at him all jealousy and quakerly annoucnes “I”M GOING TO FIND JOHN LAURENS” and flails off dramaticly.

Idk”if I lik them spending tim together”… Henry Larens sez thotfully when his gone.

“relaxx dude he’s dating ME.” Ellis reminders ,him “trust me if he was going bhind me back wit someun else id know, right Angie??

“Uhh right” I says awkwrad. “ANYWYA hey uhh John CHurch you wanna do the streemers or somethi”

So like we did that then we did the food and cleant the plaza Alexander even evntully got over himself and helped out oslo Herny Laurens left which means we got to has my bff back and it wasn’t weird anymoar then we mad pretty invites and sent them out and really went all out for this party but oh my gosh i almost forgut to git dressed fr it so I run up to changed reel quick. And Alexader had to borrow something of my dads ‘cause he broke as shit and I made a matching outfit for JOhn Churc out of fabric left over from the certains to go with what I was waring

When I entrée the room I hav on this pink number with a wasteline in a V-shape the skirt poofs out but not too much that I can’t walk n stuff y theres buttons on my front torso upper half part Thing and frilly whit lace on my colar and sleeves witch are up to my elbows AND MY HAIR is tied up but still down at the sam time all prettiful and curly Im wearing shiny dangeld earrings oh and my collar is in this square shape that’’s pretty cool so when I walk in the room everybody stops Cameras flashing ppl fiting for the best shot they like my hair the clothes I ware and I shoed up with John Churhc on my arms and smirk at the jelous boyz who will never have me thir wildest dreams haha suckit losers

Wait I forgot to describ my cardbord bf so hes got this white suit on with a pink shirt and tie under neat and then his shoes are also whit and I gave him this kewl pink belt to go with it and he’s got a pink pocket hanky and rose corsage but its manly ok its not girly just bc its pink I h8 it when pepul assume that and his hair is slickt down like hairgel excapt Hairgel dint exist back now so insted its just water and stuff but I was careful cuz I didn’t want him to crumble sence cardboard dose that in wet sometimes.

Ima lil nervous seeing the Britshits there all in they’re redcoats like their already preping for battle but Dad said not to wory becos thats a commn solder thing they just tend to ware their unfiroms everywhere it doesn’t have to be a bad sign. I told him ok but I sware there all given me the evil eye so I look away befour they can get to me ‘caus Im tough and thell never give me the satisfaction.

Everyboys dancing so I grab John Church give him a twirl before I released he should probs be the one given me that sence I’m the gurl and all. Then I remeber I never tot him how to dense oh no.

“Ummm lets go get some punch!” I say to him “OKAY!” he said happily obvious to the embarssmnet I savvied him from so that’s where we go and wow we really went all out on the food for this. Is that a chocolate cake? I’ll eat it later I don’t want to damage the dress by pigging out also it’d be really unattraction.

“Hi guise!!” Elizard sorprises us from behind, “Howsit going? R you have as much fun as we are?”

“We who?” John asks curiously.

“We me and… oh sweet heavens.” Eliza turned around a few times ‘cause she realized Alexzander wasn’t anwyere near her suddenly that’s odd” she says. “He was just here…”

“Mabel he went to the batroom. I her it’s very important,” John says I elbowed him case that’s not really a normal thing to say butt Elise didnt sem to mind or notice it.

“Oar he’s avoiding me…” Eliza frowns sadly.

“don’t worry sis, he’d never wanna avoid you. Everyone lovees you!” I promise her.

“You sure??” Elia asked hopfully.

“OF course! Besides look how pretty you are tonight!” I say and I ment it two she’s got this pale blue poofy dress on sort of like Cinderellas Disnep rincess gown only with long sleeves just like mine and lace on the collar and sleeves too and this big poofy bustle in the back with a cute bow her hair’s straight unlike mine but its a similar hairstyle only it looks different on her but that’s probably for the best.

“I am aren’t I?” Eliza releases.

“YA! Anyway it’s probably me hes avoiding, he hasn’t taked to me that much sense this John and I started datting…” That probably means my plan is working but its still hella frustrating to know hes so mad at me and not fun to be discusing it with Eliza whod almost def be mad at me herself if she nos wut my reel plan is especially if she’s alreddy upset about bing left alone for too seconds right now..

“Tis true, you havent had a proper conversion lately. Well good luck with that, ill go off to find him then and if yore away from me maybe hell actually wanna hang. No offense.”

“None taken babe, just maybe tell him to stop being a stubborn poohead and talk to me wen y’all are done?” I asked requestfully.

“Ofc! I’d luv to see U2 getting along again! Well wish me luck!” and with that Elizas off and I feel even wurst than before abot the hole ting.

I stand there wit John Church snaking on sum ordervs together when I c John Larens and his daddie com to the tablet Joh Laurens really doesn’t look like he wants to be there but Haenry’s kinda got him by his arm even though it looked perfectly fine if you dont know the sitchuation.

“Why haven’t you been densing with the gurlz? I’m shore a lot of them wood love to git the chance in fact I knows it fur a fact I herd sum girls chattering about how hot uu are come on dude whatz the hangup?”?

“You just dunt get it mann!” John Lauren stries to explan “I jest felt so awkward and stupid around them and some of their so ugly!”

“Ya but theirs not way you think ALL of them are ugly. Right?” He warned.

“Uuhh well no but ….but I donut wanna cutinto they’re fun! Plenty of them are getting along just fin without me that’s all! I’m just nervosa ok!”

“I can see that you don’t have t yell.” But wat abotu Angelica?? Shell dance with you rite?”

“what about what now” I sed

“Dad were just FRIENDS you know that!”

“Tru but maybe it’ll ease ur nerve a bit so you can ask out a reel partner l8r

“I men that makes sense but um… I would butt look she’s alreddy got a date! Im sur he doesn’t want to be interrupted.”

“No actly go ahed.” John Church means well but omg I could KILL him right now red the fuking room dude “Mayb If i watvhed you it could help me figure out some moves. I’m kind of new at the hole dacning thing and you tow could show me…”

Well that dose makes cents too I guess we dont rely have a choice.. “Ill dancer with John Laurens if HE wants me to” I comprise.

“Ok.” Luarns docent seem happy but he takes me hand and we head back to the flor.

“Sorry abot that. My bf’s still not grate with social cuse…—”

“Nah its fine your probably better to dense with then any of thee other gals anyways. At least you wont expect anything from me after because of it, and I’m comfortable with you.”

“You sure no how to make a gurl feel special” I snarked and he laughed. Ill admit this actually is pretty fun plus it doesn’t fel like babby sitting lik with my actual date. (Was that mean?

) “ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME ANGELICA. FIRST FRANK AND NOW THIS?”

Welp found Alexander.

“Dud my dad was all over my ass and shes doing me a solid can you not blow this for me with you’re Dramatic Bitch ASs™?”

“Yur rite im sorry LAURENS. YOU didnt doo anything wrong. Your excused”

Laurens left befor this could get any more weird but now I’m pisst. “What is ur damage?? We were dancing as friends and even if we werent wat do you care you have a GIRLFRIEND in case you forgot. Btw she’s looking for you maybe don’t bail on her just because your mad at ME”

“I already cot up with her, she said to talk to you. Then she ran to the batroom to get her period.”

“wait WHAT? That was sposed to be a special moment!! and you ruined it with your nonsense are YOU fuking kidding ME alex”

“Idk how special it is if you’re always complaining about it wen it happens but ok. Anway thats not what I wanted to disgust. We need to talk. Now. ALONE.”

“FINE”

We hed to the balcony outside that’s the most private and incidentally romantic area in this whole ball you can sea the stars above and all the constellations and stuffs we had to kick out a few peeps but it’s cool I bribed them with magic so they wasn’t to upset.

In the monlight I ken sia Luxander’s luschious body in perfect deets even underneath the soot hes waring from Dads closet that’s clearly oversized but the delicate wrists peking out with big but skinny slender hands is just so cute. His collar is perfectly smoothed out like it was irony beforehand its mint green to contrast the dark foilage grenwich is the colar of his suit jacket and pants. His shoes are a very practical but not ideal for a dance of this caliber so maybe none of my dads shoes fit him and he broth his own probably. There’s this mint green hankerchif and blue tie that matcha with Eliza’s dress id fucking hate it if it didn’t look so damn good on it. God theers not a soul that can rock skinnyties like he dose. His hair is clean and shiny in this beautiful tight braid, so well done im almost posi it was Elizja that did it she’s actually good at it cuz I tot her how. He’s also got a flower crown tieing the wole thing togehter, dark green leaves like the suit with blue flowers like the tie and Elizas dress. In that moment I realize htree fundamental troths:

1- I’m pissed at him tow; 2- ivy got all the rite to be pissed a t him if not MORE so if he’s gon be mad for dancing with a friend or having a bf with that Elise-inspired ensemble h’es wearing; 3- Ima kiss him or kill him tonight, ether way no more nice girl nom atter how much Dad wants us all to be well beehive at this event.

“ok were alone. WHAT”

“Yew tell me. I thot we had something speshul but hear u r dancing with every guy in existence did you forget aboat me? Did you ever EVEN CARE”?

“Ofc you dumbass how cold you ask something lik that!!” I shouted angrily. “Bsides literally 2 guys is not ‘every guy in existence’ its not like I was dancing with a British offer like I have STANDARDS okay”

“O ya? And those ‘standards’ socalled dint prevent you from crating a SEX DOLL out of a box in ur dads shoppe! Ye that’s rigt I know wat that was really all abot! You LYED to me because you werent women enuf to told me wut Frank was relay four two you! idk wy that was necesito, not like yewd hav any trubble getting a REEL MAN interested in you literally EVERY hetroseual male in this motherforking town that isn’t relative to you or an oppressive British smolder is IN LOVE WITH YOU butt noone’s gud enough for you r they? No you had to go and make your PERFECT bf who NEVER disages with you about anything I HOPE YOUR HAPPY!” Alexander does a monologue gets progresivly anger and redder and wen his finished hes got tares in his eeyballs but only let’s one fall

“is that wut you think of me” I ask

“uhh yes? I wouldn’t have siad it if I don’t mean it…”

“Right like you’ve never lied to anyone. Why dont you wok rite up to Liza and tell her about that kiss Alex? Or tell her the REAL reason you’re made at me? HUh?”

“ok one SHE’S ON HER PERIOD don’t you think she’s suffrage enough rn. And second and More Importnatly WHY DON’T YOU? YOURE HER SIS AFTER ALL!”

“Because I don’t want to hurt her! That’s the only resin I mad Frank-slash-John Churhc in the mothercucking first place you frickin moron!1 I wanted HER To fall in love with him, but she’s hopelessly devoted tow yew sew I hast o made a bakeup! So I decide to go out with him to make you jealous!”

“Why would yo do sumething like that Ange the fuck?!”

“BECAUSE I LOVE YOU TOO YOU IDIOT!” and with that I cant tak it anymoar hes not getting the hint so I grab him by his color and kiss him passionly with like tongue and everything.

He kissed back and moaned hotly gropping my hips then he puts one hand and strokes my check and hare meanwile I grab his braid and pull hard causing him to whisper my name sexly into my mouth after several long moments we brake apart and breath lewdly.

“so lemme git this str8”, Alexjandr sez, “Your love with me, but you love Ellis to much to says it so u made a whole ass PERSON, that person bing John Chruch aka Frank, too make sur shed be okey dokey but she was lik no,,,, so then YEW dcided to bee his lovr? To make me jelust?”

“Ya p much. Wanna mak out again?”

“WHAT!” We troned to the dorway in shook at the sudden nose. It was………… JOHN CHURCH!

oh shit

“Jon listen” i said gultily “it’s not what it looks like!”

“REEELY? Because it looks like you just told ur sis’s bf you wannted to mak out wit him. And that yud already done it once!”

“Okay maybe it’s exactly what it looks like but LISTEN-“

“NO! YOU listen to ME now! It’s my tron to spake! Ive been listing to you since the furst tim I existed!”

“ok were listing John.” oh gode he loks really upset and hurt and sad. I rilly fricked this up.

“Fist you tol me you didn’t luv me wich hurt but that was fin. Den you say you wanted to get to know me beter we stated dating and then at the dance yu toke me to the fud becase I embraced you two much so I wanted to larn from your bff but then HE _(AN: Alexander hes ponting at Alexader durin this part)_ intrupes and you just flow him out of the bilding and leav to speek with him??? And now I disxcover you wer using me all along like some kind of object?”

“DUDE,” Oh God Alexandre’s talking that can’t be good, “YOU _WERE_ AN OBJECT LIKE A WEEK AGO! is that really a hill u wana dye on.” (lil rich cuming from you but ok)

“LISTEN MISTER!” John says now shoting at the tip of his lung, “I MAYBE A CARBOARD BOX! BUT I STILL HAVE FEELINGZ OK!” Then he strums back inside crieing (did I add to him to much water?)

“Shit Angelica we gotsto go into their oar he’s gonna make a scene and rune everything…”

“You mad a scne first”

“Lets not pinot fingers till AFTER we solve the crisis k? Besides non of this woulda happened without yo.”

As we had back insid I cant help but snark “oh shure so all of this is my fault….”

“Well isn’t it?”

“ACASCUSE ME motherfucker, I don’t think sow!” I sed loosing my temper and turning tward Alexxnder again. “Im resposnble for John ok, I’ll take that won, but if it cums to us youre just as badass me! Dont try to act so inocent!”

“ME? Whatd I due?”

“YOU’VE BEEN ACTING LIKE A JALOUS BICH EVER SENSE I STARTED DATTING JOHN!”

“YOU WANTED ME TOO ACT THAT WAY YOU MANIPULATIVE WITCC!”

“YOU MAD OUT WITH MY SISTER RITE IN THE MID OF MY OWN DAM SHOP BUTT I’M NOT ALOWED TO MOVE ONE?”

“you DDn’t move on…” He tells wih a prod smirk that fucking bastard.

I slapped it off that fucking facet hard enuf to lave a handprint. He spate in my gorgon dress next right on the lace coller and there’s blood now it’s tripping down two my butts and

“OMG you KNOW red and pink don’t got together what the FUCK! You owe me a nu outfit!”

“Oh I’m SARI I will try to BLED MORE CREFULY next time you SLAP ME!”

“Well I appreciate it, thank you!”

“THAT WAS SARCSAM!”

“SO WAS i!”

“yo my dudes,” John Laurens buts in taping us on the shulders “,Couldya kep it down? Ur kinda making a scene here…”

“gr8 NOW whose making the scen ALEX”

“BOTH of us are now shut itt befour the britts here you!”

“Funny ye shold mentione thatte,” a redcot cuts in “Becase weave all been so FASCINATED bye whatte Americ’as Most Wanted hath been uppe to since she evaded our bestest soldiers. As it turneth out, she’s America’s Most Wanted in moar ways then one. You’ve creted quiet a stir, madam.”

THat’s when the thrio of us looked arod the room and noted olive the peeple wotching us and tht we’ve moved too the centre now.

The realize dons on Alexander end John Lauren’s face too loking bug-eyed and a but ready to sit thier pants.

“Indeed,” another Brit sais cumming all over to us, “IT seams that in additon to being notoriously goode at escaping death, she is ALSO notoroiosy good at escaping responsibility! it SEEMs we hath ourselves a hartbraker!”

“A harlot,” The THrd adds also joining his bros.

“Okay the first one was tru but thats a low blow” I said to himn.

Two mour solders cum join them making it five against three as they’re surronding use. Alex, me and, John Larens press our backs against each other so we can all sea the mall incase they attach.

“Tell to us,” the forth one anonces”How manny men hear to night hath hadest they’re harts broke by this she-witch?”

Reluctally four some and gleefully fr others the vast majority of the guise in the rom raise there hands. Witch is a little unfar I thick- mostof those were just strait-up rejects, not fullon brakeups like with Chrch or Alexahder! But I guest they had a rights to there opinions.

“Just as we suspected,” the first one sais with a smirk wurst than the one I slapped of Alexa .

“We hav com to hour decisions!” on of the newer ones sayest, “We brits being a prod and merciful peeps, will letter all of thou live in pease… IF y’all let us put this witch to death and the ton out of her misery!”

Im fucced.

“NEVER,” Luarens and Alexandder said together in unisen.

“YES, dO IT!” said a familia voice from the crowed. I twas…. Peggy!

“Peggy what the fuck were SISTERS!” I begged.

“Which means I’ve ben dealing wit your bullsiht for SE7EVTEEN YEARS!”

“btich youve only been aliv for FI5TEEN!”

“OH SURE insult me THAT’ll get me to savor your live! Besides maybe I don’t want the rest of the CUNTRY to dye saving your drama-causing dumbass so maybe im not a grate sister but at lest I’m a good SAMARITAN!”

“I think yu men citizen dear,” Dad saying as he woked to the frente of the crowd, “and as ther father and the Founder of this ball, I thick I shuld hath the finale say. And the troth is… Ima witch too.” The twnspoepole gasped. “Soo if it’s a witches blood you wanted sacrificed, you tak mine or no dic.”

“DAD!” I and Peggy both yelled upsetly. I kno we have our diffrences but nether of us want him death I no that for sure.

“I don’t believe you herd us clarity, old mann,” the scond one says lodly, “Snot just any witch we want. ANGELICA is the one that has proved herself truble, nut you. So let us have HEr or-“

“And I don’t thunk you understood ME clearly sirs,” Dad said looking stern like he does wehn me or Peggs or Elizas leave a big mess and he told us to clen it up (wich I guess it true of right no…) “Ivy tried to be nice about this, butter if you kill my daughter, I _will_ be trouble for you. What I’m trying to say is that if you want her, yule have to go thru me.”

“Well SOBE IT den!” With that they taked out a gun and shot at him “NO” I scramed scaredly pudding my hand out to cast a magic invisible sheld in front of his body the bullet hit the shield and bounced bakk to hitt the shooter.

“It hurt itself in it’s confusion…” John Lruns whisped to me but it was not laguhing mater.

The otter Britons in the rom were furios and erupted in warfair on the unsuspecting citizens I blasted my magics again so that the Americas had swords and guns too otherwise it wont be equality and the ball turns into a brawl the three of us still standing in the middle I made sure John Laruens and Alexender’s swords we’re the longest as we fought the Five Guys® that were hunting us in the begin.

I slashed trough the hert of one of the dudes then puled my sword out and set it on fire then I put the tip on the hair of the one foughting with Alegader the soldier shreked like a lil bitch but then that alerted the other thre who fought us back harder in revengeance. We barley escaped with hour lifes that’s when john Laurence went of to find his Daddo and Alextater went to fined more brits to fite that’s when MY dad cot up too me.

“Cummon, Angelice, we gotta get you out a her. All tree off you.” He warns vry srsly. Then he used his on magick to get the Schuyler family back hom safly.

Eliza was relly confussed when she came back luckly she was fully clothed and dignityed when he broght her back but wee had to explinate everything to herso she’s all caught up.

“Well it’s official. This is the worst day of my live,” Eliza says her usual cherryness gon, “First ministration and now this.”

“IK NOW” Peggy ses glaring at me.

“Let’s head to bed girls. We can tok about everyting 2moro.” Philp instructions then he goes to his own bedrrom so we followed his example but we went to our beds not his cause that’d be weird af sense were teenager.s

I trid to tall to Pegy privately tho just to make sure we’re cool. “K look I may hav I messt up a little tonite—”

she locked unimpress “A liL?”

“Girl listen I am trhying to be fucking nice and besids IM the one who savvied Dad not the one who treid to SELL TH OTHER ON OUTTO THERE DOOM I’m just sayin’”

“No your jsut the one who recked our #1 chance at piece wth your DRAMA becaus you can’t get through ONE public event witout meking it abot you. so NOW were’ going to War and it’s All Your FUCIING FLAT so I hope it was wurth it i’m NEVR SPEKING TO YOU AGIN!”

Peggy salms the door to her room and I went into min two cry for many ours.

“It’s not fair” I sobed to my pillow, “she dosent understood my life! No one does. I don’t even understnading myslef. Wy does being a which hav to bee so complexated! I wish I was a basic bitch like Peggy so I won’t half to wry about all dis.” Then I cried to slept.

When I woked up I was in the ugliest PJs id ever worn and that’s included the prison outfit from chapter one. Then I noticed my skin’s lighter than before and my bed’s not the sam that’s odd so I went to the mirror and…….

HOLY SHIT I LOOK JUST LIKE PEGGY! But then wares…

“ANGELICA WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO!” my voice yelled from another room.

omg we switched bodes! wat am I gunna do now! This oughta be intersting…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My _other_ chapter 5 will be ready soon, I promise. In the meantime I hope you enjoy my trash as much as I do. And if you don't I'll enjoy it anyway! Happy Fourth everyone.


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